Do you want to talk about it?
I HAVE AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH ADVICE! DO YOU?
For the past several months, I’ve been in CBT/Exposure therapy for what my therapist called a “severe” case of OCD. And yes, I did experience a sense of strange satisfaction when she said “severe”—the same feeling I get when a massage therapist notes how tense my shoulders are—IT’S BAD RIGHT?!?! I KNEW IT WAS BAD!!! AND YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?
One of my most chronic compulsions is to ask people (usually close friends or romantic partners who are not experts in anything other than improv comedy) for reassurance. I.e. "Do you think my gut microbiome needs to be reset or do you think it really is meningitis this time?”
If you are in any way considered even remotely adjacent to a medical profession, do NOT give me your contact info. On my intake paperwork for exposure therapy I checked: “This thought troubles me continually (all waking hours)” next to “having undiagnosed serious illnesses”. For specificity’s sake, I scribbled in: “brain bacteria, cancer, hepatitis, AIDs, blood clots, head injury, poisoning.”
But even after being being reassured by reddit AND friends AND family AND a cardiologist I met at a bachelorette party that I likely don’t have “head injury” or “poisoning”, there are still ALWAYS more questions to be answered. Did I offend someone three weeks ago? Did I accidentally/unconsciously type my deepest darkest thoughts into a company-wide email? Am I recording myself right now? Am I calling the person I’m talking about? Did I choose the right restaurant for dinner, the right career path, lifestyle, etc.? *Snooki voice* why is everyone acting weird towards me?
My first instinct upon experiencing something is ALWAYS to ask someone else to help me process it, and I’ve only recently started exposing myself to the possibility of a life without constant advice and input. Honestly, you’d think my life would’ve turned out better given how often I ask people what I should do, but therein lies the nature of the illness, I suppose. Years ago I sought feedback every which way on whether I should fly to Canada for a second date with someone I barely knew, and despite the resounding no’s/expressions of genuine concern, I went anyway.
The point of all this is to say that due to three decades of disordered advice seeking and the many mistakes I’ve made in life, love, and the pursuit of social acceptance, I feel like I have a wealth of perspective to share. What I lack in degrees of any kind (don’t even have a bachelors tbh), I make up for in a lifetime of searching for comfort amid mental health crises, and you can rest assured that I’ve blackout texted my exes enough times to never judge anyone that asks for help.
Hence—a new category of 4 the Drama posts! I would love to answer any kind of advice question from anyone out there reading this. You can submit questions anonymously using the form linked below and I will write a response in my next newsletter. It’s truly anonymous! I and the 4 the Drama readers will never find out that you’re considering asking your partner for an open relationship or that you want to cut ties with a friend but don’t know how or that you’re convinced you might have a serious, undiagnosed head injury/poisoning!
CLICK BELOW to submit your advice question, and I will publish a response within a week!
P.S If no one writes in asking for advice, I’m going to delete this feature and pretend this post never existed! Yay!!!!